How I See Myself

For a while now I have been experiencing a transition period in my life.  The realisation that my age is not what I think it is in my head.  In my head I’m still in my 20’s when in reality I’m in my early 30’s and this poses a problem.

My brain has been telling me for years I have plenty of time to sort myself out.  You know the usual – get a better job, save for a house, get married (or at least find a healthy relationship), have kids (need to find partner first!) and the big one get fit and lose weight.

In my 20’s I was insecure and frightened and I forgot to take care with my appearance, allowing myself to put on too much weight and forget about exercising.  This has caused a problem.  Now I need to change 10 years of bad habits to get my weight and fitness under control.  This is hard for someone who has little interest in actually exercising.  As for watching what I eat or heaven forbid dieting forget it.  Food has always been something I enjoy and all these “Forbidden” foods are never going to work for me.

What has helped me shift nearly a stone in weight is thinking and changing my attitude.  Instead of crash dieting I have sourced lower fat sweets and snacks that I actually like eating so when I have a craving I can have something sweet without piling on the pounds.  Watching what you eat is only half of the battle.

I also have to exercise.  This is a problem as I’m not comfortable enough in my own skin to go to the gym as I’m not very flexible I imagine everyone laughing at me.  I’ve started an exercise regime that works for me.  I walk more often, don’t sit still as much at home and have embraced the Wii Fit.  I also force myself to start the day with some sit ups, press ups, planks, lunges and a bit of yoga.  This has all helped.  I do something when I want to and once I start I often end up pushing myself a bit harder.

The weight loss and health side of things has helped me be more confident.  I’m going to a posh dinner on Thursday and needed to get a dress for the event.  I managed to drop a dress size so now feel much happier.  I’m getting my hair done too so I can avoid looking a mess.

The most important changes have been to my way of thinking.  I’m no longer afraid of what my future holds.  I have begun a writing course after spending a year completing my first novel I have taken a break from doing the second edit in the hope I will have a fresh view on it when I get back into it at the end of the summer.  I find I’m now full of ideas and can’t wait to get them onto paper and hopefully one day into print.

I do need to improve my job prospects though.  I’m not in a position to substitute my earnings with my writing and in order to move out of my current living arrangements I need to get a full-time job.  This will provide me with more financial security but the loss of writing time maybe hard to recover.

I’m figuring the trade-off will be opening myself up to a new world of people and experiences which will boost my writing in the long run.  My weekends will be my writing time rather than writing in the mornings as I do now before heading off to work in the afternoon.

Touch decisions are all part of growing up and unfortunately I left my tough decisions for about 6 years too long.  I’m hoping the wealth of experience I’ve built up over the course of my working life will set me on the path towards the time when writing will be my only job.

First I need to update my crusty old CV and peruse the situations vacant sections!  I just have no idea in what field I want my transferable skills to be put to good effect.  I’m hoping the new job will come with an office full of available, suitable men and a private office that has a fantastic view of London, but I might need to lower my sights a touch!


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