Too much of what has happened lately stripped me of my positivity. I had someone telling me they knew my own mind better than I know myself, which was never going to be the case. I might have allowed myself to be caught up in the situation and let them dictate to me but I never questioned what I knew to be true in my heart and mind. They just refused to listen.
I thought it would take me a long time to get over it and back to normal. But in actual fact I woke up this morning after sleeping through the night with a clear conscience and mind for the first time in months.
I didn’t miss or think about talking to that person. I’m sad they chose to not be a part of my life but they had too much of me for too long and they left me behind so they don’t get to have any more of my time and energy.
Already today I have edited 3 chapters of my novel, which I haven’t looked at in months.
I’ve made a to do list of all the jobs and things I have neglected in the last year whilst my focus was spent too much on wasted pursuits.
I’ve even been for a walk.
I’m ready to tackle the future now with a clear heart and mind. I feel like I can breathe and I have a now found enthusiasm for my writing projects that have been left to go cold for too long.
I’m back on track to actually send my novel out to generate interest in getting it published, I had wanted it to be done by October and I might have to slide that back but it will happen.
My children’s story has been neglected for too long and may even help me nail my dream job. My cousin’s little girl who inspired me to write it deserves better.
Even though she has no idea the story was written for her (no-one but me knows about it), it was always written with the intention of being published so she knew what she meant to me.
I got the idea for writing a story for her the first time I held her in my arms when she was about 3 weeks old, so tiny she could fit into the palm of my hand. I looked down and promised myself I would write and publish a story for her.
I’ve also decided to make a renewed effort with the people I neglected in my life lately, to go some way to making up for giving them a watered down version of me that they didn’t deserve.
I’ve reconnected with some music I hadn’t heard in ages thanks to Orphan Black a TV show I’m currently enjoying. If you haven’t seen it the second series is currently airing on BBC3 but you need to start from the beginning, I would recommend it.
I feel like I’m back to my old self, fighting fit and raring to go, ready for new challenges and whatever is coming my way.
I’m back writing and not just melancholy rubbish bourne from the frustration of being emotionally wrung through the mangle. Proper writing.
As I look out my window the sun is fighting to come out and bring the sunshine back into my life and all I can do is smile and turn up the music!
Have a great day everyone!
Enjoy some Tears for Fears with me….