Today…

Today I had some more good news. I’ve had a lot of that lately and the strange thing about it is every time it’s happened my first instinct has been to reach for my phone and tell him, but I can’t. It takes the shine off it a bit I’ve got to say.

Today one of my stories featured in a podcast and I’m too much of a chicken to listen to it. I’ve never liked hearing people read my words out loud, it just makes me think of all the things I would change. I’m my biggest critic. But it means I’m reaching a whole new market of people with my work and that is a really exciting.

I’m starting to feel really proud of what I achieved over the last few months. It wasn’t easy for me. I had to work through a lot of things that I had ignored for years but slowly I managed to overcome my problems.

Whilst searching for a job I took the time to focus on writing. I had no idea what I was doing but somehow I kept finding things would happen by chance, and paths would open up before me and that in itself has brought me so many moments that had me reaching for my phone.

The day I published my first book, sold my first copy, published my second, sold into double figures, got my first featured author interview, had 52,000 combined reads, had over 150 downloads in a week and then today being featured in a podcast.

All things that I would have been proud to share with my friend but couldn’t.

Then there was the morning I went for my last job interview. I had a feeling this would be an interesting role. I’d turned down a few other offers as they were just jobs with no career potential and this time I was waiting for a longer term option.

I was so nervous, sat in the waiting room listening to a man shouting at the woman who was trying to help him didn’t put me at ease. So I thought back to the advice my friend had given me when I spoke to him about a telephone interview I had months back and that put me at ease. I asked myself what he would do and say if he was there and that got me through the interview and the interview got me the job!

I keep wondering when it will stop, when I won’t miss him any more, when I won’t want to talk to him, when he won’t be my first thought when something good happens or I need a bit of positivity.

But I don’t think it will, I’ve felt like this for months now and the sad thing about it is he really has no idea the positive impact he has on my life even though he is no longer a part of it. He has no idea that since he left it feels like a part of me is missing, the part I searched for years to find.

Oh well I have some law to study and some books to market. Life is about to change again and I need to be ready for it this time.

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4 responses

  1. And just know you deserve all this. I’ve been there to try to hold your hand the best I can through hard times and good times. Your soul is so sweet and pure and you deserve the world. I’m happy to see it’s finally happening for you. No one deserves it more than you. And he’s an idiot to not ride this ride with you, cause right now, it’s lovely to see you so high.

    1. Thanks Kira, you are as always, my rock and I would be lost without you!

      We’ve both had a tough year but we are both getting what we waited for. It does feel good right now. We both had to work hard for what we got, but it made us stronger.

      Maybe patience is a virtue you can learn 😉

      1. I suck at patience. But I do have some potentially exciting news to share.

      2. Woo hoo, I’ll be on in a bit and you can tell me.
        I’m filling in legal forms for my course, need to do a few more before I knock off for the day!

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