Love and Respect…

I was doing a Google search yesterday when I saw in the pre-emptive list ‘is respect the same thing as love’. It wasn’t what I was searching for but I was curious so I clicked it and decided to read the article.

Respect is more important than love

I found it really interesting. To me I always felt respect and love were closely related but not necessarily attached.

You can respect someone without loving them, but I don’t know if you can ever truly love someone you don’t respect.

But it made me think of the different types of love I feel, I would describe them as:

  • Family Love
  • Friend Love
  • Romantic Love
  • Idealistic Love
  • Materialistic Love
  • Love that is really like

Ok so family love is self-explanatory, it is the love you have for the people you were born into. They are your tribe and your connection to them comes from blood. You have an eternal connection to them, and would be there no matter what, if they needed you because of the blood tie between you.

Friend love is easy, they are the people who mean almost as much to you as your family but usually come and go through your life. You choose these people, some of them become so close to you that they become a part of your family.

Others are only ever a passing visitor in your life. But some will always be there in the background and although you don’t speak daily it doesn’t change your relationship at all, one day or a year could pass and it would still be as if you spoke yesterday. Those are the best sorts of friends.

Romantic love is harder to describe. One person can find in another, the person they searched their whole life for, and that person may not care a dot in return.

Unrequited romantic love is an awful feeling. Just because someone doesn’t love you back, it doesn’t change the way you feel about them and that is the cruellest part.

For the one who remains in love, can be in love for the rest of their life, knowing that person will never feel the same way. They usually end up going from one bad relationship to another, trying to make the best of the fact their heart belongs to someone they can’t have. It’s a sad way to live your life but you can’t always control how you feel, especially when the feelings are real.

Or the person you give your heart to, gives their heart to you in return and you live, blissfully happy making babies and sharing life together and you never have a bad word pass between you.

Romantic love is very all or nothing at times. Some people can be totally in love one day, only to wake up and find they no longer feel a thing for that person. They walk away without a second glance, never giving them another thought. But for the one who gets left behind that isn’t such a pleasant experience.

Idealistic love is when you become attached to the idea of something or someone. You can confuse the feelings of love for that person as being romantic love when in fact, you just love the idea of them, and not having to be alone.

Or you might love the idea of being a vegetarian, but in reality know you could never give up meat. Or it might be that you love someone because of their strong ideals and have respect and not really love for them because of that.

Materialistic love is when people try to buy love. You can’t by love, it isn’t sitting on a shop shelf or hiding online.

Love is something you feel in your heart and in your soul. If you find love in materialistic ideals then you will never be happy, because as soon as you purchase something it is outdated. You will constantly be buying the latest version or model of it to keep up.

True love doesn’t need to be chased, it doesn’t get outdated and need upgrades.

Love that is really like is when you say you love something but really you like it. It applies to places you’ve been, things you buy, famous people, cars etc. You say you love them but in actual fact you like them and love in that instance means like.

Love that is really like can also apply to relationships. Sometimes people say love to keep you around until they find a better replacement. Some people use the word love to meet their own selfish needs, and they never really learn the value of it because they are always afraid to let them self feel it.

People live a lot more for ‘short-term gain’ nowadays and love that is like is a short term thing. It means I love you today but tomorrow I might find someone more interesting and then I’ll be gone.

The exception to love that is really like is pie and mash. I’m a Londoner, I love pie and mash. I blame my Mum, it recently came out that when she was pregnant with me she went to get pie and mash with her cousin, so the story goes my Mum ate 3 pies and double mash.

Anyone who has had pie and mash knows this is some record, I can do 2 pies and single mash but no more. Apparently it only happened once so we drew the conclusion that the 3rd pie was really mine! I must have loved it before I was even born, either way I got the blame!

For a four letter word ‘LOVE’ can mean so much to so many different people in so many different ways. It can bring you happiness and unmeasurable pleasure or it can bring you misery and the worst sort of pain.

But what happens when you love one person in a family, friend, romantic and idealistic way? Because you can love someone in more ways than one. If you find that person and they feel the same then you really are lucky.

I met someone a few years ago and I thought I was in love, we’ll call him Version 1. Long story short he felt something for me, but had a girlfriend, he wanted me to tell him how I felt, but I wouldn’t make that call for him. I stayed silent and he chose her. We found friend love in the end, I message him from time to time and he always sounds happy to hear from me.

Then I met someone who showed me that what I felt for Version 1 was nothing. Version 2 was something else. I used to dream of a future with Version 1 where we would go places and do things but I never saw him as part of my family.

Version 2 was different, from quite early on I imagined him in all parts of my future. I imagined him as part of my family, as my friend, as my lover and as someone who I loved and respected for all the things he is and will be in the future.

His ideas on so many things were similar to mine and he made me challenge what I thought about things, not in an overpowering way, in a healthy discussion way.

Not everything was easy, we argued at times and rubbed each other up the wrong way but I felt a connection to him quite early on that I still feel today years later.

But Version 2 isn’t on the same page as me. He doesn’t love me, and right now he doesn’t want me in his life at all, not even as a friend.

But it didn’t change anything for me when he left, and there are times I wish it did. There are times I wished that I stopped caring when he did, so I wouldn’t have to feel like a part of me is missing, but then I wouldn’t have found that part without him.

So for those of us that meet the one we love in so many ways, who doesn’t love us back it becomes about learning how to cope. It isn’t easy, it’s something you have to work with every day. Some days you just have to cry and let all the pain out and others you have it under control.

When you meet someone who touches your heart, they never really leave you. They may never feel the same way about you, but it doesn’t change the way you feel about them, and that is why love is so important to life. Even when it hurts you would still rather have that than nothing at all.



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