I woke up feeling energised today for the first time in a while. I decided to catch up on some Writing Magazine reading whilst I was eating my breakfast and trolled through the competitions pages looking for inspiration.

Then I heard the Minder theme tune in my head and I was transported back to work, about 5 years ago now. I remembered my friend who every Friday or when I was having a bad day would play the Minder  theme tune on YouTube to cheer me up.

He inspired me to start writing my first novel, and I have been playing around with it for more years than I would care to work out. Without his encouragement I might never have started the journey into following my dreams.

I realised I missed talking to him so I dug out his last email address and said Hi. I was hopelessly in love with him for 4 years and there was a connection between us that culminated in a sweet, warm, slightly too long to mean nothing hug, one night in the office before we left for Christmas.

I always remember how that made me feel, like the end of years of turmoil and when we came back for the new year I understood why. He went off to get engaged and it was a goodbye to anything he felt for me, just as I thought.

I remember to this day crying as I walked to the car and rushing home to email my friend for support. We emailed back and forth all night as my world fell apart.

After all our long talks about life, him trying to push me to say how I really felt, which I could never do it as he was living with someone, he was gone. He would talk about her to everyone but me, I always saw a slightly different side, or at least that was what I always thought.

The last I heard they still hadn’t gotten married after all these years and a part of me always wondered why.

I thought I would never feel that way again, until out of nowhere I did, and coming up on 3 years later I wish I had it all figured out. Relationships are hard work, least of all because, unless they tell you, you never really know what the other person is thinking and men aren’t good at sharing their feelings. Whereas I always think it’s best to be open and honest from the start nowadays!

So in honour of the friend who started my writing career and the one who developed it into a new direction, I’m going to finish the novel this time and enter it into a competition to get it published.

My writing tutor liked the idea when I submitted the first chapter as a writing exercise, so I’m using her advice to finish it off.

I’ve grown as a person and a writer since I started the novel so maybe this time I will be able to find the voice it was always lacking and inject the right amount of feeling to make the story work.

If it doesn’t win the prize then I will self publish or try to sell it elsewhere. If they’re lucky I might even dedicate it ‘to my two loves, without whom none of this would be possible’.


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Angry Boater Joel Sanders

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I eat cheese, I run from zombies, and I do therapy

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