I wasn’t going to write this post but as I can’t shake the feeling of unease and maybe writing about it will help. That’s normally why I write such long-winded posts about how I’m feeling. Somehow writing it makes sense of it and maybe someone out there is feeling similar and will know they aren’t alone in how they feel.
I woke up today feeling uneasy, like something was wrong and I couldn’t place what it was. Then I remembered the dream that woke me in the night.
He came into my dream last night. I remember him wearing a royal blue hoodie and there was a sadness in his normally beautifully bright eyes. I remember this feeling of wanting to help and waking up with the urge to hug him. I was sat upright in bed and realised quickly it was just a silly dream. I managed to shake it off and go back to sleep but when I woke up this morning the unease was still there.
I sat reading Elizabeth is Missing while I was eating my toast but my mind kept drifting off to him and that dream. There was a moment when I had to stop reading as I felt like something was wrong and I haven’t been able to shift the feeling all day.
When you get close to someone and they become a part of your life you do sometimes develop a sense at times you can’t explain and I’ve often felt that with him.
He is one of very few people I made an ‘Always’ promise to and that to me means a lot. I promised that no matter where we were or what we were doing our friendship would always be there for us when we needed it. I think that’s why I wanted to write this just encase he needed reminding.
I don’t usually get these sorts of feelings. If someone was in trouble or needed my help I would have heard about it by now. If something was wrong I would’ve been told. I’ve been waiting for a call all day that would explain it and nothing.
I have managed to stop myself from thinking about it but it hasn’t shifted the feeling that something isn’t right which has gotten stronger as the day went on.
So I hope wherever he is he is happy, safe and well. I hope I’m worrying about nothing and that it’s just a stupid dream that has messed with my head. I’ll probably wake up tomorrow and feel fine. But I don’t know, I have no way of knowing and right now I wish I did.