Yesterday I got to be a proud big sister. We spent the day at my brother’s graduation.

My sister graduated university and was inducted into the Law Society but I missed both events because she could only have two guests. So it was nice to see the baby of the family all grown up!

I have to admit I was choked up with pride at what he has achieved. I proofread his dissertation and with my school economics I managed to follow what he’d written, but reading and writing isn’t something he particularly enjoys.

I know he struggled at times to get everything he needed completed on time and finishing University is a huge thing for him. It was nice to see him happy to have us all there to support him.

It was a bit much for my grandparents being such a long time sitting still and listening to all those names being read out. It was a long day for the rest of us too but my Nan especially struggled with staying quiet for nearly 3 hours. It was all a bit confusing for her.

I wish I’d made more of a noise for him when he went up, but seeing as he always sees me as embarrassing I didn’t want to show him up in front of all his friends. But you can hear us cheering on the video I made on my phone and camera just incase one went wrong!

We even got some nice photo’s of us all dressed up with him in his gowns. They had lovely gowns and his fitted well, he looked so smart. I wish we’d had a professional photo of both of us but he didn’t want to. I guess it wasn’t cool.

What struck me was the honorary graduate speech at the beginning of the event. The man getting the award is an entrepreneur and had an interesting background, trying all different types of business in order to get all the training he needed to be successful in his own business.

The difference is he managed to walk his way into those jobs by wearing a smart suit and talking his way into the positions. That just isn’t realistic in the modern world.

You couldn’t just walk into a top London bank in a smart suit and walk out with a job, you wouldn’t even be able to speak to someone without an appointment. Jobs aren’t created nowadays without making a business case for the position and advertising the role in the proper channels.

I think that’s a shame that we don’t have those opportunities now. People are judged by their CV before they even get a chance to interview. More and more companies are creating complicated hiring processes which involve various interview rounds and different sorts of tests. It isn’t easy to find a good solid job prospect.

One thing his speech did was inspire me not to give up on my entrepreneurial side. I have a business head, I’ve given a lot of people a lot of good ideas and helped further businesses. I can do it, I just need to find the right dream to follow and I need to build a decent starting capital to make it work.

I need to do it to prove it to myself. I need to work on achieving my dreams. There is so much going on in my life right now that I can’t control and I can’t change. I wish I could work my way out of the mess I’m in but it will take time. I want to find the right path this time and make sure I stay moving forward.

I need to think things through more and not make rash decisions. I need to think before I speak and stop saying things I don’t mean. I need to be better, I need to stop sabotaging my happiness by making snap judgements.

There are things I want to make better in my life and I would do anything to be able to do that but I don’t know if I will get that chance. I have to believe that one day I will. I have to believe one day I’ll have the chance to be forgiven. I need the hope that my best friend will come back to get me through the day.

I guess a part of me wants to make people as proud of me as I am of my family and friends and all their achievements. I won’t ever have a graduation party, that wasn’t a life I wanted, but maybe one day my dreams will come true.

Right now I’m working on editing my novel for a competition entry and that’s a cool place to start.

Congratulations to everyone who graduated university this year. I hope you all find your place in the world and that you follow your dreams to all the weird and wonderful places you choose!


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