It’s no secret that the last few months have been really hard for me. I’ve struggled so much to find out who I am and where my place is in the world after everything I thought I knew changed.
Through that I’ve had the support of my wonderful best friend. She’s my rock and I’ve never even met her face to face. We came close this year on my trip to the US but never quite made it. I’ve known her for 5 to 10 years, we talk almost daily, we skype and facetime and yet we’ve never met.
There are two people in the world who know all my secrets and know me better than anyone else. They have both told me they love me for who I am. A weird and awkward creature who at times gets lost in the sadness, but mostly is a happy clown. I never thought I would be so lucky to have two such amazing friends. I would do anything for either of them because to me they are like family.
Sadly things aren’t great with my other best friend right now. All I can do is hope that the situation will resolve itself because there isn’t a day that goes by I don’t miss him or wish I could call him to talk. I miss hearing his news.
But maybe today things got a little better. I brought a lucky day scratch card and won £5 so a lucky day indeed!
I applied for some jobs last night and woke to a call offering me an interview on Friday. The last jobs I applied for I was also given an interview date the next day. I guess you could say I must have something good on my CV to warrant such quick attention. I never heard about the first interview but I’d decided I wouldn’t take it after I’d had time to think so I’m not worried.
I’ve collected a lot of skills and experience in my time at work so I have a pretty interesting CV. The thing that worries me a bit is the job I’m interviewing for wanted a relevant degree and a high level of maths and english. Well I don’t have a degree, I was good in my maths lessons and did extra work but when it came to exams I barely passed. English was a bit better but on paper my exam results didn’t reflect my ability. I find it strange that so much emphasis is put on exam results when I have 10+ years of good hard work on my CV. I just hope there isn’t a test at the interview!
I guess they saw something they liked anyway because degree or not I got my foot in the door. This job sounds better than the last one and the money is better so I’m feeling more positive about this. Who knows what will happen.
I made a decision that by the time my birthday comes around two weeks tomorrow I would be ready to move forward. Things are looking good, I feel more ready than I have in months.
Being useful has helped. Decorating and making things with my hands has helped. I need to be useful, I put so much energy into helping people without it I don’t know who I am.
Sorting the situation out with my Nan has helped too. She has her first vitamin injections tomorrow and a GP check up and I’m going with her. It will be nice to hear she is moving in the right direction and her health is improving. I have to be pretty forceful with her and play the bad guy to make sure she keeps herself healthy but it needs to be done. I play the bad guy and everyone else tells me I’m wrong but as long as the end result is good that’s all that matters. So far me being hard on her seems to be working, I feel bad about it and it upsets me to do it but it is for her own good.
My horoscope today said that my friends needed me and I will see how much when they are ready to show me. I didn’t think anything of it until my friend facetimed me tonight. We both needed a good laugh and to swap some funny stories. It was just what I needed. My very own job interview cheerleader!
I have to try to write a birthday list, which is always joint with a christmas list. When I was little my Grandad used to ask for it in august and I’d always know what to write. Only now I never know what to write. People keep asking what I want but I don’t know. I normally ask for books but I have so many to read I never get round to them all.
I can’t help but think the one thing I really want from my birthday isn’t something anyone can buy me. The thing I want most is my best friend back. Only he knows if that’s likely. I really hope he does because I miss him and I need my best friend making me smile again.
So lets hope the good luck holds out. I’m starting to see good things ahead again. Christmas is coming and it’s a good time for positive vibes and happiness. It’s the time of year when miracles happen after all!