Tag Archives: Sex

‘Dating’ Does Anyone Still Do It and Is There Any Point??

Every woman has a place in her heart reserved for the man she loved that didn’t love her back. Or so I’m told.

I’ve read books and seen movies that allude to this very fact. It’s sad really. We save a part of ourselves for someone who will never feel the same way about us.

Its times like these I wish I was a man. They have it all so easy. They just flick a switch and move on. Never giving the people they leave behind a second thought. Plenty more fish in the sea!

Then again if life was like the movies, one day they would realise how much they missed you, come running back and you’d live happily ever after, laughing about how you almost lost it all.

What happens when the only fish you find are the wrong ones?

What happens when your fish swam away without ever fully tasting the delights you had to offer? Ok enough of talking about fish.

I go in cycles of sitting moping about wishing I’d said or done things differently. Wishing I could just pick up the phone and say “Hey, this is silly. Let’s give it another try.” But there’s no point. So I snap myself out of it again for a time anyway.

Wine, soppy movies, drinks with friends, ‘blow shit up’ movies, flirting with other guys, none of it has helped. I still miss the one(s) that got away. In my case there were two guys I really wanted to make an effort with but never managed to make it happen.

I even made the mistake of looking up my ex’s on Facebook. They were such a long time ago, what was I expecting to happen? I did wind one of them up over his inability to down a pint in one of his photos and he remembered who I was so that was a plus!

The novelty of being groped by strange guys in bars and having them shove their tongue in my mouth whilst demanding I suck them off in the toilets has worn off for me.

I can’t be bothered to kiss any more frogs hoping they will miraculously turn into Prince Charming.

I can’t be sure but it seems like there are more frogs now than I remember when I was younger. God that makes me sound old. I just mean like 10… 5… years ago. Before app’s ruined the art of dating.

Do people even ‘date’ anymore? Isn’t it go on an app, find someone as horny as you are, have sex with them then move on to the next one?

I’m sick of seeing people being referred to as ‘thirsty’ when they show an interest in someone. Just because you want to get to know someone doesn’t automatically mean you want to sleep with them. It sounds ridiculous. Ok, now I do sound like a Grandma.

I can’t be the only single girl (slightly) over the age of 30 who is fed up with being messed around who can’t be bothered to try again. What’s the point?

All the cute guys in their 30’s who got their shit together are either married, engaged, in a long term relationship or gay. There is a reason why most of the rest are still single. The younger guys are only bothered up to a point and then reality sets in and they’ve had enough and move on.

I should have got laid more in my 20’s, and then I would have been over it all by now. Or maybe I’d have settled like everyone else, for someone I didn’t really love but who wasn’t a complete arsehole. Not that everyone settled, some people I know actually made it work with their fishes!

As for having kids, forget it. That was a beautiful dream while it lasted. Not that I’m currently desperate for kids and instantly wanting a family. I just saw myself as being a Mum one day. I already am a ‘second Mum’ so I have that at least. I’ve been reliably informed by my siblings that if they have kids they will become my responsibility, I’m in part hoping they are joking.

I always wanted to have twins. I grew up having set of twin’s in my friend groups and it always looked so cool to have someone go through everything with you. I’ve never told anyone that before.

When I left school someone wrote in my leaver’s book I will be the married working wife with 6 kids and immaculate hair that crosses the street to avoid the people I went to school with. They got the crossing the street bit right. I don’t have the patience for immaculate hair. Maybe if I did I’d have a husband by now? Is that really all it takes??

I have friends who are still dating. They haven’t yet lost faith in internet dating but the stories of their dates do nothing to convince me to give it another try.

On my friends last date she got tricked into going back to the guy’s house to charge his phone, then out of a sense of misguided nicety ended up giving him a blow job which then turned a bit rough and he didn’t even take her to dinner afterwards. Apparently they are now listed as ‘in a relationship’ and looking for a ‘threesome’ much to her bemusement. Classy guy!

I remember as a teenager at school being given a ‘master class’ on sex by the ‘experienced’ girl in our year while we all dutifully listened, slightly disgusted, in the gym locker room. She told us in no uncertain terms that if we were going to give blow jobs to at least make sure we got dinner first. “Don’t let yourself get taken for a mug.” Wise words.

Maybe it’s easy access to porn that killed off all the romance? Young guys don’t do the whole ‘dating’ thing now they want to skip straight to the ‘porn sex’ so we lose the art of romance and God forbid ‘making love’. Not that I like that phrase it just sounds better than ‘fucking’.

I’m not the only woman I know who only seems to attract much younger guys. The lure of the older woman is obviously attractive. But older woman are past the game playing stage and whilst we enjoy a bit of ‘fun’ as much as the next person we have grown out of the games.

I guess that level of maturity becomes scary after a while and some guys have no idea how to deal with it so they run away. It doesn’t help us though, tempting us with the promise of something exciting and leaving us to drown our sorrows in vats of wine until we build up the courage to try again.

We don’t all want non-existent dates precluding awful sex with a guy pretending he’s a porn star and making you feel awkward. Some of us want a little bit of romance in our lives before we allow someone the privilege of ‘getting to know us better’.

One of the most romantic things I ever heard of a guy doing was leaving a dress on the bed for his partner with a note saying what time to be ready as he had planned a surprise evening. Every guy should do this at least once in his life. It also works with sexy lingerie, but that’s another story.

Guys say the reason they aren’t gentlemen anymore is that there are no more ladies. A quick look around any town centre at chucking out time on a Saturday night and you start to see their point. But we aren’t all like that.

I’m starting to wonder if that’s the problem, men are happy with non-complicated sex and don’t see the point making the effort for anything else. Whilst women get fed up with that and eventually want something more in the way of stability with their fun causing the men to run!

A couple of my friends are in the same boat as me. We found people we liked and felt there was a connection we wanted to explore further only to find they ran away before we ever fully got the chance.

We sit and listen to men complaining how there are no good women out there and yet here we are beautiful, self sufficient women, willing to give guys a chance to see where things went and we still came up short. At least I’m not the only one who misses someone and likes to drink wine. Who am I kidding it’s mostly beer and Southern Comfort but wine sometimes.

So what’s the answer? Who the hell knows? I don’t. I can’t even convince myself I care anymore.

The more new people I meet the more I see that no-one knows what they are doing. Everyone is just bundling along the best they know how. Hoping that the next time they make the effort it will be worth it or adding it to the list of regrets if it isn’t.

I try to help the best I can, offering a sane perspective and sympathetic ear for the strange goings on in my friends love lives but the more I do the more I’m grateful it’s them and not me.

I’m not cut out for serial dating. I don’t see the point in investing time and effort in someone I don’t like as a friend first. The downside of course is when things go wrong you lose your friend too and that is doubly hard.

I love listening to friends dating stories but I couldn’t do it myself. I don’t have the endless confidence required for persistent rejection. It would destroy me.

I’m a romantic at heart. I still believe one day, probably when I least expect it, that’s usually when the best people came into my life, I will meet someone who changes my mind.

Until then, I’ll just have to continue to be single, alone, ‘on me ones’, or ‘catching up on TV’ as I like to call it. It could be worse; at least I’m not lonely, well not this week at least…

Advertisements

14 #YesAllWomen Tweets, Rape and Sex

I just came across this article on Stumble Upon and I thought I would share it because it deserves to get more reads.

http://http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1kmdWR/1S8hqo.Yf:qQwka-SV/thoughtcatalog.com/rob-fee/2014/05/14-yesallwomen-tweets-that-everyone-needs-to-see

Not all men set out to intimidate women but there are a lot of men, who don’t think twice about giving women unwanted attention.

It is a risk for women and young girls to be walking around at night or in secluded locations alone, which is why you should always let people know where you are going. If you arrive in a group, stay in your group and check everyone is together before going home.

I remember being about 14 or 15 walking to a friend’s house and a man pulling up alongside me in his car and asking me if I wanted a lift because he was ‘going my way’.

I also remember having to run home from the shops when I was with my baby brother in his pushchair one day as I became aware of a man following us. I was shaking with freight by the time I got home.

 

The internet in particular has given us so many more opportunities to access potential partners. I see a lot of men talking on the internet about women in terms of sexual conquests. With memes being passed around entitled ‘sliding into her DMs like’.

Yes its a bit of fun and a joke among your mates, women talk about men in a similar way but sometimes its nice to be seen and respected for your personality and not your physical attraction.

You might not be as sexy as that porn star they’ve been watching or the latest model taking her top off on the front cover of a magazine but you are more attainable and a person of value in your own right.

We don’t all want to be treated like a piece of meat at every available opportunity or to be graded as ‘fuckable but not dateable’, we do have feelings.

Every girl deserves to be treated well and not just ‘fucked’. If that’s all they want too then fine but how many times do girls get led on with the promise of more only to get dropped?

Men will always be ‘lads’ if they have multiple sexual partners it will always be accepted and in some ways encouraged.

If a women has had multiple sexual partners then she is a ‘slut’ or a ‘whore’ and men tend to treat her as such and she can be seen as fair game.

If you are nice to a girl you will increase the chances of her being nice back. Who knows you might find you like her rather than feeling the need to force her or make her feel uncomfortable.

If she isn’t interested then she isn’t interested. Just like if you don’t like a girl nothing they do will make you like them.

As for the part in the article where they talk about when it is ok to rape someone the only answer to that question is NEVER.

The fact it is even a question that needs to be asked is worrying because it means that parenting and education are failing to teach people the basics of human interaction.

As the article points out a man was uneasy at the unwanted attention he received from another man’s sexual advances but hadn’t thought how his own unwanted advances could have made a woman feel.

My response to any boy/ man I’ve ever encountered who thought rape was funny is always if someone did it to you would you still be laughing? Strangely enough they never find that funny.

It isn’t only women that get raped, men do too but are often too ashamed to admit to it because of the stigma around it.

Rape should be seen by society as an awful thing that has no place in the modern world. people who rape should be brought to account for their actions, just as anyone else committing a crime would be.

Victims of rape should be seen as just that whether they are men or women and treated appropriately and not told they were probably ‘asking for it’. No-one should be made to feel ashamed for being raped.

We need to educate young people on all the ways that sex can now be accessed so they can make sound decisions. We need to teach them that sharing pictures and videos of themselves on the internet comes with a risk even if you know the person you are sending them to.

We need to educate young people that the sex you see on the internet is not always what sex is like in real life. Not everyone has those boundaries and someone is not wrong or weird for not wanting to do some of the exploits that you see online.

We need to teach young people that in order to have fulfilling relationships and sexual relationships you need to trust your partner. No means no and you should never force someone to do anything they don’t want to do.

We need to teach young people that if you meet a woman in a club and she wants to dance with you that doesn’t mean she wants to have sex with you or you to grope her. Respect people’s personal boundaries.

We need to teach young people that there is no rush to become sexually active. Just because you have a boyfriend/ girlfriend doesn’t mean you have to be having sex.

Just because you call a girl your girlfriend doesn’t mean she has to have sex or suck your dick and it doesn’t matter if all the other girls are doing it, she doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want to.

Neither does it mean that because she doesn’t want to do it with you there is something wrong with her. She might not be ready or might not be in the mood and that is ok.

Sexual health is an important subject but due to many young people having a joking view of sex they aren’t taking the necessary precautions. As such there is a rise in sexually transmitted diseases.

It is important for everyone who is sexually active and especially with multiple partners to get themselves checked regularly for sexually transmitted diseases and above all to use protection.

If you have a sexually transmitted disease you have a responsibility to let a potential sexual partner know about it so they are aware of the risk. Don’t ever knowingly or willingly infect someone with a disease.

We could all use a healthier outlook on sex and relationships from time to time.

The Akila Edla Journal

World of stories that I've read and stories that I write.

MLF Blog

Thanks for visiting!

Angry Boater Joel Sanders

Joel Sanders Saunders angry boater boat narrowboat comedy comedian CRT

Psychobabble

I eat cheese, I run from zombies, and I do therapy